More Than Just A Hero
by Anakin T Skywalker
Summary: A recording made by Anakin Skywalker, dated approximately 21 B.B.Y. during the Clone Wars. Never before released to the public, this recording shows another side of one of our galaxy's most famous heroes!


**Disclaimer: I own no part of Star Wars.**

Reviews are welcomed, appreciated, and read with joy. Constructive criticism will be accepted; flames will not.

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I know in my head I'll never show this to anyone, but right now I need to pretend I'm sending this as a desperate plea to every citizen of the Republic and hope that makes me feel better. So, here goes.

My name is Anakin Skywalker. If you could see my face, you'd probably recognize me; I'm that Jedi who's on the HoloNet with Obi-wan Kenobi all the time. If you've seen me, I was probably either in the cockpit of a starfighter (mine is the yellow one) or holding a lightsaber. You might have seen me on the news channels, battling the Seps on some Outer Rim world, saving people from the oppression of the Trade Federation, or something like that. You probably know me better as the 'Hero With No Fear', or maybe the 'Warrior of the Infinite'; I've been called both. Obi-wan tells me I'm the poster boy for the war.

I like what I do as a Jedi; it's challenging and exciting, fulfilling and rewarding and noble, and most people say I'm fairly good at it. But sometimes, it's hard being a hero all the time, no matter what. Sometimes, I just get tired of all the pressure. Sometimes, I wish that people could see that there's more to me than what the Holonet shows.

I am more than just a hero. I'm not just some icon on the news, some image you see, some magical figure that shows up whenever things go wrong to fix everything. There is so much more to me than you see!

When I was nine, I was discovered by the Jedi Knight Qui-gon Jinn in the junk shop where I worked for my slave owner. Senator Amidala came with him. She asked if I was a slave. I remember I told her indignantly:

"I'm a _person_, and my name's Anakin." It may seem like a silly answer, full of childish pride, but it is still true. I am a person. Beyond that hero's image you see all the time, there is a real person hiding.

Sometimes, I think that is what's wrong with the Jedi knights: sometimes, they aren't people. A few of them are humans, but they are not people. They do not seem to feel; they have no emotions. No joy, no anger, -- even suffering is borne without a trace of distress. You see, they were all trained from a very young age to suppress their emotions, and now, they appear to have lost most of their personality. (Don't tell them I said that!)

But not me. I didn't come to the Temple until I was nine years old, and I had already learned how to feel. They tried to train it out of me, but it didn't work. I still have the feelings and emotions; I am still a person. And my name is still Anakin.

The hero stuff is a façade. I am a normal, human person, just like you. The title 'Hero With No Fear' is nonsense; I feel fear just as much as you do – sometimes, probably more. I love and hate and suffer just like you; just like you, I wake up and eat and sleep. I get colds and wear out my clothes and get hurt just like anyone else does. I go to work and do my job each day just like every other adult in this galaxy; my line of work may be a little unique, but other than that, I'm just another person.

And just like any other normal person, I find it hard to stand up under all the pressure that's put on me. Everyone in the galaxy expects me to be a hero all day, every day. Any time there's a problem, I'm supposed to be there to save the day. And I almost always am; but it tires me out after a while, just as it would you.

And if that isn't enough, the Jedi have their own expectations of me – expectations that I can never quite seem to meet. The fact that I feel, just as other people do, has proved to be a problem among the Jedi. They say emotion is a distraction and have trained themselves not to have it. And they expect me to do the same. But I can't – and don't think I haven't tried! It just doesn't work for me; maybe they were right and I _was _too old to begin training.

I know that's probably why they never do seem to trust me. No matter what I do, it isn't quite good enough. And that hurts me just as much as it would hurt any other person. (I'd rather _that _didn't get back to the Jedi, either.)

Anyway, I'm no good with words – Obi-wan's the one for that – but I just want to be accepted, to be cared about, to be loved. I think there are only three or four people who have ever actually loved me: my mom, Senator Amidala, Chancellor Palpatine, and maybe Obi-wan.

My mom was kidnapped by Tusken raiders and tortured to death. I knew she was in trouble, but the Jedi wouldn't let me go to help her because they thought it would stir up emotions like fear and anger. Well, let me tell you, I can't think of a time in my life when I was more fearful then that time period when I couldn't sleep without having nightmares about her death. Yeah, I get nightmares too, just like everyone else. And when she did die, I was so angry that I – well, you don't need to know about that.

Senator Amidala was kind to me when I was a child, new to Coruscant and missing my mother, my future uncertain. She, then recently elected Queen of Naboo, took time even while worrying about the Trade Federation's invasion of her planet, to comfort me, a lonely little slave boy. That meant a lot to me. But now, I am a Jedi and she is a Senator. Apart from my brief time as her bodyguard at the beginning of the war, we rarely see each other.

Chancellor Palpatine has also been kind to me ever since I came to Coruscant, and I do look to him as a mentor of sorts. But he is in such an important position and has so much else to think about that I hesitate to ask for any of his time.

And Obi-wan? He's my Jedi mentor, but sometimes I just don't know about him. Sometimes it seems like he cares, but more often, I feel like I'm just a project of his, just a job to get done, a problem to solve. I'm just and assignment to get out of the way so he can fulfill his promise to Qui-gon. He doesn't really see me as a person, either.

In fact, to some extent, even the Chancellor and the Senator expect me to be a hero. How can they not? They watch HoloNet, too!

It's just so exhausting and depressing to feel that no one knows who I am on the inside.

So I ask – just once, can I be normal? Can I not be expected to be the hero and do something spectacular and impressive? Can I just be Anakin for once, instead of the 'Hero With No Fear'? Can someone see me as something other than an icon? Please, will you just let me be a person?


End file.
